Today marks the beginning of a new chapter in my life. I had really been holding out hope that my husband would have had some sort of realization that this marriage and our family of 4 was what he wanted. It has been almost 3 months since we moved up here and if I would have thought he would still be as mad and harsh to me as the day I left I would have thought you were crazy. I can't completely close the chapter of him because we have two beautiful children together and we will be linked together for life in that way, but I can now start to look towards the future. I don't know why I thought things would change, even after being told he wanted nothing to do with me ever and if it wasn't for the children, he would never speak to me again, but I kept thinking about my kids and how they deserve two parents in the home. Then he told me today he gladly got rid of me, and that darn light bulb went off. If he feels that strongly about "us" then I can't just force him. So today I am starting my new chapter with my kids. I will hold a spot for him in my heart and this doesn't mean never, it just means not now.
I don't even want to start thinking about how I will have to explain all of this to my kids someday. Especially my daughter who will never have any memories or very many pictures of us together or pictures with him. With the distance, travel isn't going to be often so it makes me wonder what sort of ideas they will come up with. Their dad is a great guy. I fell in love with his sense of humor and sarcasm. We did have really great times and he was someone I could tell anything to. Unfortunately, those don't make a marriage last. His lack of honesty and faithfulness is what can cause things to end. I may never have him as a husband again, but I think that we can begin to work on a friendship. I would love to always have him in my life because I believe we were meant to be in some way. God only knows what my future looks like, so I can just trust in Him and walk forward.
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