pity party of 1

First day of October and this month starts the 5 months of holidays and celebrations. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, P's birthday and B's birthday. Each month has something new and exciting to look forward to, but it is also a realization that these holidays and birthdays will not include the one person I had always envisioned to be in my life. It has been a hard few months and some days I feel like I will be able to get through it, but then there are days like today where I feel like I am having a pity party. I have constant dialogue in my head of what is going on and how horrible it is. I have to tell myself to get up every morning.I have to remind myself to make sure I put myself together. Because there are many days I just want to lay in bed and sleep all day. There are days I wish I could get away with just wearing my PJs and doing nothing. BUT I have 2 kids who need me. They need me more than ever because I am the only parent here. I am the only one to feed them, bathe them, hug and kiss them. I hate that some days. I feel overwhelmed some days that this is how my future is going to be. And today is one of those days. One of the days that I have to remind myself to smile and laugh and enjoy the simple things in life. I am incredibly blessed, I have family and friends who have bent over backwards to help me but nothing replaces a spouse. Nothing replaces the security and love a husband can provide. So as today comes to an end, I am happy that I can go to sleep and wake up in the morning knowing I made it another day and that that day can be even better!