Blue Christmas?

The kids and I had the last few days to ourselves and it has proven to be quit a wake up call to what our lives might look like once we are living on our own. It.is.pretty.lonely. I have tried to keep busy the first few days going to a hands on museum and spending time at my sisters, but it is hard to lug 2 sleeping babies into a very dark and quiet house late at night all by yourself. So yesterday and today we have stayed inside and there is not much conversation going on. Obviously B is talking way more than he was just a few short months ago, but it is nothing like an adult conversation and P just babbles, so I have been left with my own thoughts and feelings and I have come to a conclusion on everything as, it sucks! It sucks huuuugggee to be a single parent around the holidays' but what I have learned about their dad in the last few months, I know we are in the right place for now. It may be too quiet but there is no arguing. There is no passive aggressive behavior and there is no lying. So as hard as it is to realize that things will be very different from now on, I know my kids are getting a healthier life emotionally. With that being said, I have busied myself getting Christmas decorations up and I have had fun doing it on my own a bit. It is overwhelming so I am taking it one tote at a time, but I think it will look great once I am done. I decided to not do our own personal tree this year. We have my parents huge tree to decorate and put presents under so it isn't like the kids won't have one at all, but I just can't handle the emotions attached to each ornament that is hiding in a bin right now. I have tried so hard to deal with each and every situations head on and work through the hurt as I go, but Christmas is going to already be the hardest holiday of them all and I think I will be better healed next year to go through all of that.