Thankful for...

I am so thankful today for my daughter. The timing around when she was conceived was absolutely God. He knew that things would be like this right now and knew that the time she came to be was the exact perfect moment. I was so nervous about having a daughter, in fact after I found out I had really bad anxiety. I was afraid that I would do some of the things from my childhood that really put me down. I was afraid she would be anything like me. Now she is here and I could NOT imagine my life without her. She is such a girly girl already and I am so blessed.
I leave tomorrow to go and get the rest of my stuff. A girlfriend of mine is driving with me and it will be the longest 36 hours. I am so anxious just to get there and see the place. I haven't had to look at all the memories like that in over 3 months. I haven't seen my husband in person in that long, and I'm nervous to see him. He doesn't want to be there when I get there. He doesn't want to see me. It hurts because I think it would do him some good to actually see who he calls all these names. Today he started in on everything and I just said that I wasn't going to waste another breath trying to get him to realize that he was making the biggest mistake of his life. He said that it took two people to get into a bad marriage, and while I agree, I informed him that no marriage was perfect. You have to make a conscious effort everyday to make it better and there was no excuse for cheating. It doesn't matter what your spouse did/does, nothing makes that right. He scoffed at this, claiming I was just perfect and I told him I wasn't. I mentioned his siblings, saying you know that their marriages are not perfect. They each have their own set of difficulties within, but they are all still together. They chose to work past things and my husband has decided he doesn't want to work at it. He doesn't want to make all of this better. It pains me that he has done this, but at this point, all I can do is get my "stuff" and move forward however slow.